Whatever happened to two way streets? Fucked if I know. I’m going up a one way at the moment, with an uphill gradient. Kind of lost the will to blog too just lately, along with most other things. Even Jim’s showing a rebellious side I’ve not seen before. The bedroom used to be the one place free from cat and dog hairs at hairy towers. Not anymore. Even Jim has taken to retire to bed early. Literally. The other night he flatly refused to get off, so’s I could get in. He was forcibly removed in the end, with a disgruntled glare in his eyes I’ve not witnessed before. You ever get the feeling you’re wading in treacle?

Work has become a daily trial, quite literally at times. Our gentleman who failed the drug test a while ago, had his second appeal hearing last week, in front of the Regional Director. Myself and the Union Area Organiser were present to put our case for appeal; and I was told, in no uncertain terms by our AO, how I should conduct myself at the meeting. ‘Shut up, let me do the talking’, basically. ‘I don’t think we have much chance.’ Who’s fucking side is he on? Needless to say, I did get a few words in. Enough to put some doubt into the proceedings, to generate a 2 week adjournment whilst they check what I had to say. Let’s just say, that at the moment I’m hopeful that he’ll get his job back.

Another incident coming up; a refusal to take a breath test, whilst apparently/allegedly under the influence of drink. A toughie, but hopeful.And the beat goes on……

Well, well, well; that’s that then. All over for another year. Did you all have a good one? Eat plenty, and drink plenty? Spend way too much money? Make a complete arse of yourself at the office party? Spend Boxing Day morning sleeping late, or waking early with the mother of all headaches, and wondering,’ where the fuck am I?’

You did? That’s called Christmas, that is.

I’ve got a few days off work now, and time to catch up on all the things I’ve neglected to get done over the past few days and weeks. Or I might just be a lazy bastard, and engross myself with my new toy. Lorna got me a laptop for Christmas. No, LAPTOP, not a bloody sex dance. I’ve been putting a few programmes and stuff on it, so now I can, (in theory), surf the net while I have a shit. Great stuff! No more reading a newspaper, or book, (I once read Dr No in the bog. Not all in one sitting I might add.), this is the 21^st century, the world is my oyster. I can get my weekly shop whilst I make room for its delivery.

If I had wireless, that is. At the moment it’s down to a long ethernet cable, as to how far I can roam about the flat. I did try to see if it would pick up a signal from a neighbour, but the rotten fuckers had theirs locked, so I couldn’t connect. No consideration some people.

Anyway, off to have a quick play, before I take Jim out, and I’ll try and catch up with you all before the weekend, and 2007.

 Saturday, being the only day off I had between now and Christmas, we went to visit my mum and step dad, and take their pressies down for Christmas. Fucking traffic. A usual 50-minute trip took nearly 2 hours. So many people all with the same idea I suppose. Not going to see my mum, but all out visiting and shopping.

 Got them a printer, scanner, copier to go with the newly acquired computer; so while we were there, I suggested setting it all up for them. Great idea, except there was no printer lead included. Now what use is a printer without a fucking lead? A bit like buying boots without laces I would have thought. Anyway, not included in the box, so off we went to the shops. I hate driving in traffic at the best of times, but bloody Christmas shoppers on the road too. Nightmare! A 5 or 6 mile trip took us an hour, there and back. Still, all up and running now, and happy parents.

On the work front, we’re still testing for drug and alcohol use whenever there is a ‘knock’ by picking trucks. All rather busy, but still no result for the bloke who tested positive the other week. He did phone me last week tho’, and confessed to having a ‘smoke’ the night before his test. That’s him fucked then. And today, another poor sod got his marching orders, for having too much time off work. Mind you, he’s been off four times, (all weekends), in the space of 8 weeks, so he aint done himself any favours there. Some people just don’t want to work.

Right, here’s a joke, and I’ll try an’ remember to put the end on this time…………

There's a pensioner couple, both about 80, on a sentimental holiday back to the place where they first met. They're sitting in a pub and he says to her, "Remember first time we had sex together, over fifty years ago? We went round the corner to the gas works. You leaned against the fence and I gave you one from behind".

"Yes", she says, "I remember it well".

"OK", he says, "How about taking a stroll round there and I'll give you one for old times sake?".

"Ooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea", she answers.

There's a chap sitting at the next table listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see this, two pensioners having sex against the gas works fence." So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the gas works and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and hangs on to the fence and the old man moves in.

Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex the watching man has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes. She's yelling "Ohhh God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life.

This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.

The watching guy is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether they still have sex like this.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground in recovery, the old couple struggle to their feet and get their clothes back on.

The guy, still watching, thinks, "That was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is."

As the couple pass, the chap says to them, "That was something else, you must have been shagging for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? Is there some sort of secret?"

"No, there's no secret", the old man says, "Fifty years ago that fucking fence wasn't electrified".

Only another 5 days, and then a couple of days off to celebrate this festival of drinking and eating. Then it’s back to work for a week, and then off for a week. Luvverley!

Then I’ll probably be lurking around a few ‘spaces’, taking notes, for the next hairy review. Who knows; could be yours.

This working seven days a week bollocks is tiring. Especially getting up at 4 a.m. every day. Still, last one for now. Got the rest of today to myself when I finish, till later this evening. I’ve held the fort back here, fed the animals, done the housework, and flicked through all the new telly channels. Not sure I’m gonna become a telly addict just yet tho’. There’s certainly a lot of shit on there.

No big luck on the Irish Wednesday or Saturday. Couple of small wins, but nothing to retire on yet.

Now this black Christmas tree has managed to find itself a place, and is waiting to be decorated, so pictures are still waiting to be taken. And the camera batteries are dead, so they’re charging up.

I think the decorations should be minimalistic on this tree; just a few blue lights, and maybe a little tinsel and a few silver balls. But we both have different ideas on that. The lights I got the other day look effective, so I went out to get some more after work yesterday. The price had gone up to thirty three quid a set, so they stayed in the shop. Robbing bastards! How can a price rise of seven quid be justified in the space of a few days?

Boycott Dobbies Garden Centres now!

This week at work, has seen the introduction of a ‘drugs and alcohol’ policy. Testing occurs if there is an accident involving any fork lift trucks, or picking trucks. A breathalyser, which is done on site, and takes about 30 minutes altogether; and a drug test, which is done by an outside company. This involves a telephone call for them to come to us, and usually a wait for up to 2 hours, depending on how busy they are. The guys at work have quickly latched on to the idea that it’s a great way of getting out of work for a few hours, whilst waiting for the testing to be completed.

 Not so great for one bloke tho’; his drug test showed positive for cannabis, so he’s been suspended, whilst we await his next test result to come back from the lab. He said he had a joint a couple of weeks ago, but the drug can remain in the body for up to 90 days. If the level is below a certain figure, then maybe he might just keep his job. Should hear by next week on that one.

It’s certainly kept me busy this week as their union representative.

Saw this yesterday, so good, I had to share,

Pearly Gates

Saint Peter had a terrible cold and fever and didn't think he would last the day minding the Pearly Gates of Heaven. So he phoned Jesus to ask for the day off.

"Why, Peter," Jesus said. "You know your health is my first concern. Take as much time as you need."

As Jesus pondered who he might use to replace Peter, he decided to handle the job himself.

It was a very slow day and no one approached the Gates until late in the afternoon, when in the distance, Jesus saw a bent, white-haired old man slowly making his way up the path with the aid of a gnarled cane.

As the man neared, Jesus said, "Good afternoon, sir. How may I help you?"

"Well," replied the man, "I was hoping to enter the Gates of Heaven."

"We would certainly love to have you," said Jesus, "but we do have certain rules as to who can enter Heaven. Tell me, what have you done to deserve such an honour?" "Actually, I have done nothing so wonderful myself," said the man. "I lived in a small town and led a simple life as a carpenter. But my son," he continued, "now HE was special!"